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This week

• Sunday, Jun 7 visited a friend in Sarpsborg for fika (an afternoon coffee and sweet treat)
• Monday, Jun 8 met with one of next year’s Fulbrighters from Finland going to the States; hosted the Rovers and the Fulbright Executive Director for supper at my apartment in Halden!
• Tuesday, Jun 9 had our final Rover check-in at the university in Halden. I turned in all my Rover devices and my university computer. It was really hard to give those final hugs to my Rovermates.
• Wednesday, Jun 10 hopped on a call with Fulbright staff to finalize some financial and other odds and end
• Thursday, Jun 11 hopped on a call with the new me coming to Norway next year! 
• Saturday, Jun 13 went to parts of the choir festival in Halden with some friends to support another friend who is in one of the choirs who were performing

After I graduated from college I did a masters in education program that had us taking classes on our university’s campus in Indiana in the summer and then shipped us off during the school year to teach at what they called “under-resourced Catholic schools in the South.” I was placed to live in Jacksonville, Florida, and a friend and I taught in St. Augustine, about an hour’s drive away. I taught 9th grade English and was the entire French department. At the time, I didn’t want teaching to be my full-time job, but I needed something to help me figure out my life and what I wanted my next steps to be.

When I accepted the offer of admission to graduate school that spring of my senior year of college, I had been dating for about 8 months a guy I met working at a summer camp in Maine—he’s now my husband. We were talking about what the future held for us, when I asked him not to move with me to Florida. I remember a few years earlier asking my boyfriend at the time not to move back to the East Coast after he had graduated just because he wanted to continue to date. In both cases, I held fast to the belief that we were so young and had to figure out who we were, individually, before committing any further to our relationship to each other. The first time I told a guy this, he broke up with me. But when I asked Jeremy not to move to Florida, he understood. Still wanting to be close and having family in North Georgia, he moved there, and eventually got a job outside Atlanta. Having long-distance dated for the two years of my masters program, Jeremy asked me as it was wrapping up if I would move to Georgia, and I said yes. 

I learned a lot about myself in those two years during my masters program. Most importantly for my career, I learned that I loved teaching and that I wanted to be a teacher for the rest of my life. Even as a young teacher, I knew that eventually I wanted to teach teachers, and am now living that dream. 

In reflecting on my time abroad this year, especially as I get closer and closer to moving back Stateside, I am immensely thankful that I have been given the opportunity to teach abroad, but really, to have the opportunity to take a step back to evaluate who I have become and who I want to continue to be—living again without my life partner so that I could, in part, figure myself out. Just like I did in those two years in Florida. Just like I did studying abroad my junior year of college.

Back in the States, Jeremy and I lead a very busy and full life—I wrote about this a lot early on this year. Jeremy owns his own business restoring historic windows, I’m busy with my university job, we have a dog and a cat (and are about to get a puppy!), and have family and friends in and out of our house all the time. I love our life! But sometimes I feel like I can get so caught up in the daily routines and concerns that I forget to think about to what extent what I do and who I am becoming are actually who I want to be and become. 

A few years ago a scholar friend on sabbatical was visiting from Japan and he came to observe one of my classes. The students wanted to know what did it mean to be on sabbatical, and he explained to them that it is a moment of pause and reflection, to evaluate where you are and where you are going. This year wasn’t my sabbatical—I’m still a couple years away—but it felt like one. I was able to pause and reflect on who I am and where I am going, away from the busy-ness and fullness of my Colorado life.

I know it is an immense privilege to be able to just leave my life for a year and live a different life abroad. There have been so many people who have helped me be able to do this: Jeremy, my parents, my brother, my colleagues at work, my best friend. I am lucky to have this kind of support, and lucky that I can ask them for that kind of support. This has truly been a wondrous year of a lifetime. 

In this year, I have learned more about the kind of person I am and want to continue to be. I have learned that I am incredibly independent, yet still sometimes scared and need reassurances to be brave and courageous. I have learned that I am incredibly brave and courageous, yet can still be vulnerable and fragile. I have learned to need and ask for help. I have learned that I am drawn to build and cultivate community, especially among colleagues. I have remembered that I am smart. That I am an exceptional teacher. I have learned that I love mentoring others and being mentored as well. I have learned that I am incredibly kind and a good listener. I have learned that I continue to get upset at injustice and will work so that all learners and people feel loved and included in school and society. I have learned that I’m pretty good at describing settler colonial white supremacy to others. I have learned that it’s easy to love those who are easy to love and that loving those who aren’t easy to love takes real work. I have learned the role of exercise and movement and food and leisure and hobbies in my life. I have learned that I am a person full of joy and awe and excitement, and that this isn’t how most people operate and move through life. I have learned that I am so curious. I have learned that I do indeed love to be challenged intellectually and dream and scheme with others on how we might burn it all down and fuck it all up so that we can build something new and beautiful together. I have learned that I really like who I am, and that sometimes I’m not the best version of myself, but that I can still work everyday at becoming that person. 

I’m looking forward to getting back Stateside and trying on this new me.