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Happy New Year! Welcome back! Thanks for continuing to join me here. 

I’m back in Norway, but between the last post and this one, I spent four weeks in the States, first in Atlanta and then in Colorado. On my way back to Norway I gifted myself an extra-long layover in London so that I could catch a show in London’s West End. Present me was very happy that past me was looking out for future me in that gift. A few reflections below from my holiday and return to Norway. 

I decided to surprise my parents and come home for Christmas. They live in Atlanta and it was really good to be back. My brother had been there with them too; he helped me arrange the surprise. Also, before going back to graduate school my partner and I lived in Atlanta for about 15 years, so there are many reasons why it is good to be back. I missed the city and my family.

But I’d also missed being in the United States. Everything is predictable and familiar, from the language, to the customs, to the money, to the food, to the measurements (distance, temperature, size). But it was also interesting to view home from the lens of my other home in Norway. Being back at the halfway point of the year, or halftime, has helped me understand the ways in which I am continuing to be a cultural hybrid, a term I have adopted from A Frog in the Fjord, which I finished a few days into my trip Stateside.

I have always been a cultural hybrid, simply because I grew up in a bilingual and bicultural household in the US. I’m learning more and more from my parents that they and their parents were also cultural hybrids, especially on my mom’s side. My mom’s father was Muslim and Indian in Thailand and my mom was raised Catholic in a Buddhist country. My mom’s grandmother was German and Burmese and she married an Italian man. My great-grandmother spoke Thai, French, and English (like me!). 

In my application to the Fulbright program, there was a question about being an outsider and how we would adapt to the host culture. When I first saw this question I laughed because this question was clearly written for people who are always cultural insiders. My initial reaction for the application was just to write something like, I’m a Thai American person in the United States. There are 5% of us there, according to the last US Census. I’m always an outsider who has adapted to being Thai and American. It’s not me you have to worry about. lol. I didn’t write that, but I did write about my ability to adapt to a majoritarian culture, which is what I have had to do in Norway. It requires a lot of observation and listening. 

In the United States, I am often treated like an outsider, even though I was born and raised there. I get questions like where am I from? How do I speak English so well? I am asked how long I’ve been in the country and told with surprise that I don’t have an accent when I speak (we all have accents. What they mean is a non-American accent). I’m used to being on the outside. I’ve written in other posts the irony of sometimes being the first American that Norwegian students have met.

But on the trip back home, I got to view US society from the outside, from the perspective of how I have been experiencing things in Norway. And here are some things that have kind of struck me.

Trust and Social Cohesion. In Norway, everyone is very trusting. I could leave an item I own in a train station or at a table in a café or in a hotel lobby and no one would touch it. When I went to see the ballet in Oslo, there was an open coat check. There was a number on our ticket for the show that coordinated to a number on several giant coat racks in an open space in the theater building. You found your number and put your coat and whatever other items you wanted there. I saw coats, bags, umbrellas. I kept my computer with me because I was afraid that someone would take it (because I am an American who has lived in big cities and don’t trust strangers), but everyone else just left their belongings in this giant coat rack. It was kind of incredible and kind of nice.

Being in the US, I noticed that we all operate as if everyone else around us is out to get us or screw us over. Especially driving in Atlanta: it is madness and you have to be simultaneously aggressive and defensive to get where you’re going. It’s a good thing I learned how to drive in Los Angeles, another driver-aggressive city. Anyway, being back home reminded me of what the Enlightenment author Thomas Hobbes believed about life: that it is “brutish, nasty, and short” and that our “natural state” is fierce competition with each other for our survival. It’s why Jean-Jacques Rousseau theorized the social contract: that in our fierce and competitive state we needed society to keep us in check and cooperative. By entering a society, we would gain the protection of laws and boundaries, but would have to give up some of our more competitive, rude, and mean qualities. 

In the States, I would never leave anything anywhere unattended. My parents volunteer at a soup kitchen on Saturday mornings and when I’m in town I go with them. I brought my coat the first week and wasn’t sure where to put it so I asked the leader and she was like, you have to wear it. If you put it down somewhere someone will take it. But that’s only because we don’t give people what they need. I believe this goes for my traffic example above too. We in the US have created a system of scarcity so that we always feel like we have to fight for what we deserve. A counter example in the US: my parents like to go to Vegas and eat at the massive buffets. One time my dad was explaining to me that they went to a place that served King Crab and no one was fighting over or hoarding the King Crab. And he thought it was because there was clearly an abundance of it. Like when someone took five pieces, a waiter would immediately come over and refill the crab so it always looked like a mountain of King Crab. Because of the perception of abundance no one was fighting or hoarding. Granted, a Vegas buffet isn’t the best example of how the US should operate (it perhaps serves as a better example of extreme wealth and poverty), but it was just interesting how an attitude of abundance allows people to relax. 

In the US, the system of competition has been naturalized and we’re taught that that’s just how things are. But in Norway that’s not how things are. It’s not perfect, mind you. There are people in Norway who distrust others, especially if their skin is brown and/or they’re refugees and/or immigrants. There’s a danger in Norway too of creating an us and a them. But there is a semblance of trust and social cohesion that seems to be the default rather than the exception. 

Community Mindedness. In the States, we organize community groups based on common interests. It was quite incredible to go to my old church in Atlanta, where my parents still go, and have several old friends come and give me incredible hugs and tell me how much they miss and love me. The church community I used to be a part of does some great things in the community, especially because it’s a downtown parish and a lot of unhoused people show up at its doors and make their makeshift homes on the streets around the church. But in the US, you can ignore being part of a community that contributes to the social welfare of others. You can really be gated away and just focus on yourself. People in Norway gather in community based on common interests, but their community mindedness goes beyond social groups. In Norway, people pay what I and most Americans would consider incredibly high taxes so that everyone can have access to healthcare and education. I’ve heard Norwegians comment on their high taxes, but they also say that that’s what it means to be part of a society—that you take care of others. While there are niche social groups in the US that work to take care of others, including those who organize around, say, ICE raids, it is an expectation in Norway that you will be oriented toward the community and not yourself. 

Noise. Americans are so loud. They take up so much space. In a restaurant I could hear a guy talking who was sitting in a completely different section. This happened more than once. At the airport people talked so loudly to people who were sitting right next to them. I did not expect to experience an onslaught of noise in so many places in the US. I didn’t think I would ever say this, but I kind of miss how quiet Norwegians are in public spaces. They do this so that everyone has access to their own quiet moments.

Exceptionalism. There are so many things I love about the United States. (There are things I’m frustrated by too; see above, previous posts, and also see our royal Dumpster fire of a federal government, especially in the kidnapping of Maduro and his wife and the killing of Renee Good.) One thing I love is just our pure exceptionalism. My parents, brother, and I went to two evening light events in Atlanta, one at the Fernbank Museum Woods Aglow where they light up the woods behind the museum building and set mood music. The other was the Atlanta Botanical Gardens’ Garden Night of Lights which has just an incredible winter lights display integrated into their grounds. There were lights and music and it was breathtaking. I have yet to experience anything of this scale and magnitude and magnificence in Norway. 

I’m not alone. I’ve written in several places in this blog how alone I am in Norway. I live alone. I work in an office, but do something a little different from what my colleagues do so I don’t have the same schedule or even always common things to talk about around our gourmet coffee machine / water cooler. My family is all back in the US. So I have a lot of time on my hands: to read, to write, to cook, to run. And I’ve written how enjoyable that has been to be able to think and have different responsibilities to others and myself. Being back in the States gave me a glimmer of what life will be like again for me in just about 6 months or so. There will be more responsibilities and people and activities in my life. I am curious how I will navigate all of it, knowing that I need to have time for myself and that I need to have time for others.

Being brave. When I was booking my flight to the States, British Airways was giving me a long layover in Heathrow. But it wasn’t long enough for me to go into the city and do something, so I gave myself an extra long layover and chose the next flight from London to Oslo. In my layover time, I planned a London outing: I would put my luggage in storage and go see a show. I have never done this before—go outside the airport for a long layover—and I was nervous! As I was walking out of the airport I was like, am I allowed to do this?! And I had to tell myself that no one cares what you do between flights! It took me a minute to get my esim to work, and then I was off! 

I took the underground to Earl’s Court, grabbed a deli sandwich, crisps (that’s chips to you Americans), and a flat white. I marvelled at how good European food tastes and then went to see Come AliveI I knew nothing about this show. But it was between this and The Book of Mormon for matinee shows the day I was going to be there, and I’d already seen Book of Mormon, so I opted for Come Alive! We were told to arrive an hour early to enjoy the preshow activities, so I did. Come Alive! is a circus show. So when you walked into the venue (Empress Museum), you enter into a different world. A carnival/circus world! There was a big top tent and around it, food, drink, and shows. I saw a bubble show, a magic show. There were fortune tellers and clowns jumping on trampolines. They had even staged circus train cars to look like performers’ homes. It was really cool!

When it was time for the show to start, I found my seat next to an old man and we greeted each other. In his British accent, he asked, “are you here by yourself?” I answered affirmatively and he said, “my, you’re brave.” And just a couple hours beforehand I didn’t think I was as I was afraid British Airways would reprimand me for leaving the airport during a layover! I didn’t think my esim was going to work and then how would I get to London? A day beforehand I was also low-key scared to come back to Norway and yearning for the comforts of home. I thanked him and said that I try to be.

The show was great. Not my favorite, but really spectacular and just what I needed in that moment. There was singing, there was dancing, there were circus acts, there was a semblance of a plot. But basically, the plot was: humans are amazing (look at these circus acts!) even if you’re not in a circus act; you have to act your amazingness, you have to come alive! you have to stop moving through this life without thinking about it, you have to “dream with your eyes wide open.” I was like, omg, that’s me! I live an amazing dream life and I have to embrace it! Just six months and some change to go. That’s it. And then you’ll go back to your other incredible dream life. (Literally I tell people that my job training teachers is my dream job.)

After the show I let the magic carry me all the way back to the airport and to Oslo. After crashing at a Rover friend’s place that night (because I was getting in so late I would miss the last train to my town) I hopped on the train back to Halden. Jeremy, my partner, asked me how it feels to be back. “It feels familiar,” I said. It feels like home.