read time: approximately 6 minutes

This week

• We explored Oslo over the weekend and early in the week;
• On Wed, Aug 20, my parents and brother returned to the States;
• From Wed, Aug 20- Fri, Aug 22 we had our Fulbright Orientation;
• I returned to Halden after having left for Stockholm two weeks ago.

On Sunday I found a Mass in English, but in Fredrikstad, which is about a 30-minute train ride from Halden. Mass was listed for 4p, so I figured I’d take the 2p train, walk around the town and the water (it feels like every town in Norway is on water), and then go to Church. When I went to buy my train ticket as I was getting dressed, I saw that it was sold out (this was surprising!), so I bought a ticket for the next train that would arrive just before Mass; I figured I could walk around town after and take a later train back. 

When the time came to travel, I got on the train going in the right direction from my house and arrived and found the church pretty easily. Yay google maps and wifi! On the train, I was even able to check out the scenery and read from my Norway book (Morten Stroksnes’ Shark Drunk). Arriving at the church with about 10 minutes until Mass time, it was quite strange that the church doors weren’t open. But there were other people waiting so I thought, I’ll just continue to wait. When the church bells tolled at 4p, the doors were still locked, and we saw a priest smoking in the courtyard. A fellow wait-er asked what was up. The priest said the English mass was moved to 6p. 

When I was walking up to the church I realized I was hungry, so when I learned Mass wouldn’t be until 6 I thought, well, this is a good opportunity to get something to eat. There was a cafe I had seen on the map the night before so I stopped in and had a delicious omelette and salad. While there I was able to use their wifi to change my train ticket home so that I could catch the later Mass. I also learned that I had booked a fully changeable ticket, so noted to myself to make sure to do this going forward. After my late lunch and some reading (John McWhorter’s Pronoun Trouble), I walked around the water and main street. Cute. Lots of restaurants along the water. I made a note to myself that I’ll have to look them up and maybe eat at a few if I’m ever back. Found another cheap produce market and bought 2 bell peppers, a cucumber, and a zucchini for $5! Walked back to the church via a different route to see more of the town and made it to Mass on time. Including the late lunch and produce, this would be a successful trip after all, I thought!

Then the priest started talking. And I realized he was speaking Norwegian. I looked at the church bulletin that I had picked up on the way in, using my google translate app to help, and realized that the 6p Mass is listed as their regular “Evening Mass.” Read: in Norwegian. So there would be no English Mass today, even though the website and the bulletin board outside the church said there would be. This was incredibly annoying. 

I was looking forward to the routine of Mass, and I often get irritated when things don’t go exactly as I had planned them (the exception is in the classroom), especially because I spend a fair amount of time planning, I like being in control, and especially when I was hoping for something familiar. But a lot of other beneficial things came out of my trip.

Sometimes things are going to be really easy, and some days I will have to work very hard. To get to church. To buy groceries. To cook. To teach. To plan for teaching. To figure out routes and bus schedules and transportation apps. But not everyday and not all the time. When things are hard I keep saying to myself, “adventure time!” in the hopes that I can trick myself into not getting frustrated. It’s worked so far and I’ve enjoyed maintaining patience and grace rather than frustration and worry. I don’t know if that will always be my consistent reaction, and I know one day I will just be over it, but I’m learning to attend to how I’m reacting and to do so in ways that don’t shut me off from recognizing options and being open to new experiences.

But it’s not just rolling with it, it’s rolling with it with intention. My parents and brother returned to the States this week because, oh yeah, they were just on vacation and here to drop me off. I, on the other hand, live here now. I wore my running clothes to drop them off at the airport, and I was glad that I did. After I watched them go through security, I started tearing up. I was on my own now. My brother, who had been our navigator as we explored the streets of Amsterdam, Halden, Stockholm, and Oslo and is a general overall delightful travel companion, was getting on a plane. My mom, who infuses everything with kindness, love, and positivity, was getting on a plane. My dad, who requires extra care because of his dementia and hiking injury, is a constant source of patience and hilarity, was getting on a plane.

I needed to get back to check out of our flat in Oslo, shower, move flats, and go to Orientation where I would meet for the first time all the other Fulbrighters. So I thought, you know, this is my reality: being physically on my own. I need to roll with it. But I can’t just ignore my feelings about having left one support system in Colorado and now watching another support system fly away. So when returning to Oslo from the airport, I got off a couple stops before my own and started running. I had to move the energy somewhere, and I moved it. What a gift to be able to acknowledge and process my feelings through my body. I’m indeed learning to roll with it.